[For Clarke]

[to_survive]

As wrapped up as he can get in his own head, Bellamy knows he's no different from any other person around. He has good days and he has bad days, and he's lucky enough to have friends around for both.

The bad days have been outnumbering the good lately; it seems that Bellamy can't go a few days without another nightmare, without the guilt that's seemed to rear its ugly head and lodge itself permanently beneath his ribs. He may not have the word on his back anymore, but he knows its still there and it will never really fade away. It's always been there.

When the good days come around, though, they're exceptionally good. Bellamy can forget his guilt for a while, can indulge himself in the world around him, enjoy the small life he's built here with Clarke and, now, Raven. He wishes every single day that Octavia and anyone else could be here with them, that he could just see their faces once again, but on good days the guilt isn't enough to overwhelm him. It fades into the background.

On good days, there are clear skies and the city and Clarke.

That, too, is a living thing stuck behind his breastbone, marked in a million different ways: their comfort around each other, their routine, the weight they each carry for the lives they've taken and lost and saved. Her back is smooth and unmarked as he runs a light hand over it, but he knows she carries those words within her as much as he does.

The bed creaks as Bellamy shifts enough to lean over and press a kiss on the back of Clarke's neck, and he smiles briefly before giving her a light bite. "You should stay home tomorrow. Call in sick."

Comments

[willbetested]

"I'm glad." Her voice is soft, just above a whisper. It feels like a secret has just been shared, something small and fragile. Clarke loves unconditionally, but it has never been easy for her. It was easy for Wells and Finn and look where they both ended up. Her dad could love like a hurricane. For her, it always feels like she couldn't give it enough.

But Bellamy, Bellamy leaves her feeling like she could move the world for him. That she has and would. It's equal, not overwhelming and more than anything she wants to make it say.

She shakes her head. "Nothing. Just be you. I love you no matter what."

[to_survive]

"That's all?" Bellamy asks, smiling as he shifts to pull Clarke as close as possible, lining their bodies up until it feels like he's in touch with every single inch of her skin. Being this close on a daily basis is intoxicating, and hasn't gotten old. It probably never will -- at least, he hopes so.

"Nothing else? No treating you like a queen?" he teases. Bellamy knows what Clarke means, and feels much the same; she doesn't need to do anything but be herself -- he can't help but love Clarke as she is.

[willbetested]

"That's all."

Wrinkling her nose at the suggestion that she be treated like royalty. Long ago, Finn had coined the nickname 'princess' and she can still hear the mocking way that Bellamy had once used it against her. It's not bad, it just chafes against the part of her that knows how far from true it is.

"No. Definitely not. Besides," she gives him a little nudge. "If I'm queen wouldn't that make you king?"

[to_survive]

"I'm not going to disagree with that conclusion." Bellamy's teasing for the most part, the idea of being in charge of anything taking him back to those first few tyrannical days on the ground. His own misguided attempt at enjoying what he'd thought were his last days alive.

"I'll get you a crown," he adds, kissing Clarke's forehead. "Sloth Burger has those paper ones they give to kids, I think you could pull it off."

[willbetested]

That makes Clarke laugh. Of course he wouldn't disagree. Especially during those first few days on the ground, Bellamy had quickly established himself as something of a rebel king among the delinquents. They've now just met in the middle. "I should've guessed that."

Rolling her eyes slightly he kisses her forehead, she continues. "It needs more glitter. If you want me to wear a crown, then I'm making my own thank you."

[to_survive]

Bellamy lets out a laugh, not surprised one bit by Clarke's answer. "Then I'll get you some paper, some glue, and whole bunch of glitter," he tells her. "We'll crown you queen of this apartment, Raven can witness."

[willbetested]

"Be careful what you wish for. Glitter is a blessing and a curse," she warns with mock solemnity. Her admonishment quickly evaporates into a laugh. "Raven could probably make us one out of metal. Provided we make her duchess of the sofa or something."