to_survive: <user name="driftsuit"> (058)
Bellamy Blake ([personal profile] to_survive) wrote2015-07-19 09:23 pm
Entry tags:

that cold black cloud is comin' round

"Clarke! We're out of time."

When the dreams happen, it's like living through the same memories, all the emotion and pain heightened to a sharp point that slices and cuts until Bellamy wakes. He lives those moments over again and it's usually in waking that he remembers they're in the past.

He is very, painfully aware that this is a dream, and it feels much too real.

He remembers falling asleep with an arm around Clarke's waist, her body pressed up against his under her sheets. Gone is the smell of her hair, replaced by the acrid tang of blood and recycled air that he'd come to associate with Mount Weather. The familiar adrenaline rush is back and he recognizes this moment, knows exactly what they're about to do.

The monitors are quiet but he can still see their people trapped as Clarke's mother is drilled for her marrow, can see Octavia on the ground with a gun pointed at her head. Bile rises in the back of his throat as he remembers the words he'd uttered as he watched the screen, knowing if they didn't do this, she would be dead along with all of them.

"Clarke," he says, his hands shaking as he tries to figure out why this is so different, why it feels so real. His body aches and he smells like blood and sweat, singed flesh and fear. The entire control room stinks of it.

He knows what she says next and waits for it, heart in his throat at the idea of having to live this all over again only to wake up with her in his arms and unable to change any of it.
willbetested: (in the deepest depths)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-07-21 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
This dream is different from ones she's had before.

Normally her dreams are haunted by things she's done, memories misplaced and gone sour. This is different, this hurts. It's a nightmare so at odds with the safety she'd felt when she'd gone to sleep that Clarke almost doesn't know what to do.

Awareness crashes over her, like a blunt force trauma that shakes her to her core. The clothes on her body are different (wrong), the stale air a heavy reminder of what she'd fled. Her heart is pounding her chest as she takes in the scene around her. Bellamy's clothes, Monty's face, the body on the floor, all of the horror playing out on the monitor.

Her hand is on a leaver, covered in a glove that she's never seen before. At the sound of her name, Clarke looks at Bellamy, desperate and afraid. "Bellamy?"
willbetested: (tell me you see it too)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-07-22 11:01 pm (UTC)(link)
The sound of Monty's voice should be a relief. It should be a good sign, seeing her friend after so long. But it isn't. There's too much going on, too much she doesn't understand.

If this is a dream, then Clarke wants to wake up right now.

Her eyes locked with Bellamy, she licks her cracked lips. "Bellamy. I can't," she says just above a whisper, hoping that this Bellamy, this one that she cares about more than anything just like the one back in her bed understands. Tears are in her eyes and she squeezes them away, eyes flicking back to the monitors. "Please don't make me."
willbetested: (we opened our eyes)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-07-27 01:04 am (UTC)(link)
This is not the world that Clarke wished for. This isn't a nightmare she understands, populated by a life she doesn't remember living but feeling so real and solid under her feet. All she wants to do is wake up.

Bellamy's hand on hers, the softness of the gesture, the way his voice cracks makes her wonder if this is what happened when they were really here. Had she hesitated? Had she wondered if this was the right thing? Or had the bile rising up into her mouth been supressed just long enough for her to pull the lever.

"Okay, good," she nods, eyes closing briefly before opening. She searches the face of the Bellamy in front of her, looking for a hint of the man holding her in her bed. "Let's find a way for everyone to live. I can't...we can't do this. I never wanted this."

She can hear movement beyond the door, dampened by the thickness of it. They are running out of time.
willbetested: (say goodbye to the world you lived in)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-08-02 03:47 am (UTC)(link)
Faces fill up her line of vision. Even if she can't make out the small details, her brain is quick to supply the details of those she's seeing on the monitors. Her mom. Raven. Octavia. So many of them. The lump in her throat is matched by the gnawing pit in her stomach.

This isn't something she's prepared for. None of this is what she wanted. The comforting squeeze that Bellamy gives her isn't enough to stop the tidal wave of emotions running through her.

The cold, rational part of her brain starts to click on. It wants to gather information, to assess, to analyze and conclude. It wants time.

Her gaze snaps to the monitor that displays Jasper. "Jasper, no," she says even though he can't hear her. The boy is no longer against the wall with the others, instead he's free and moving towards Cage. "He's going to attack him. It's suicide."
willbetested: (gone mad from his suffering)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-08-08 04:17 pm (UTC)(link)
This isn't what Clarke wants. She understands Jasper's motivation, the burning need to do something, but Cage has men with guns on his side. Jasper is just one person, one kid, broken and desperate. There has to be a way to stop it.

Her heart is thudding noisily in her chest, harsh and ragged, as she tries to figure out what to do. She knows what she had done, what they had done, but she can't do it. Not if there's any other way.

All thought is cut off in a flurry of darkness, explosive light and noise. It crushes down on her, baring into her body. The last thing she registers is that Bellamy's hand is still in hers. Then there's nothing.

Until her world slides back into focus, her hand on the lever once again. It's like nothing had changed. Monty's looking at her, repeating words that she'd heard only minutes ago, "Clarke, we're out of time."
willbetested: (maybe I'll see you in another life)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-08-16 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Her hand is still on the lever, locked in as if it can ground her to the situation. It's an echo of what she's just lived, despite the fact that her ears are still ringing and she can still taste the combination of dust and smoke on her tongue.

Do nightmares always repeat themselves so clearly? This hasn't happened to her before.

"Bellamy?" she asks, looking at his face, searching for an answer. Does he remember what she just happened or is it just her? She can't imagine being trapped alone in this circular hell, but the idea of him being caught in it too makes it worse. "Did he...Emerson...he blew the door. Do you remember?"

She sounds insane, but she has to know.
willbetested: (somewhere only we know)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-08-27 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
The vice that's clenched around her throat, releases slightly when she gets confirmation that she's not alone. That he remembers. This might be a hellish circular nightmare, the scars of which she can still feel even though they're no longer there, but at least he's here.

She glances at Monty, who has turned away from the monitors, staring at them in confusion. It's all fitting back into familiar pieces. There is an order to act in. Not acting got them killed, failed to save anyone, they have to have a plan.

"We do." Clarke nods, hesitating before reaching for her gun. Her hands are shaking. "How about we open the door and go after him? Try to catch him off his guard. Or will we not have enough time?"
willbetested: (snapped a photograph it couldn't be you)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-09-07 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)
A pang of guilt runs through her at Monty's confusion, and she frowns sympathetically at the boy even as she moves to follow Bellamy's lead. She knows how this story could end, knows the moves of the players, but this time she's less frozen by guilt and fear. There's steps to take, actions to play out.

Eliminating Emerson might leave a bitter taste in her mouth, but it's the closest threat and the easiest solution. Her gun is clasped in her hand as she moves to the door.

"Okay," she nods, more for her benefit than for his. An impulsive thought takes over her and she quickly steps towards him, brushing a messy kiss against his cheek before moving to the door. Monty's out and out staring at them both again, mouth opened to pose a question that he never says.

Hand gripping the heavy handle on the door, she knows it will take more than just one hand to open it. Setting her gun on the ground, she kicks it over towards Monty, who bends down before picking it up. "Just in case." Turning her attention back towards Bellamy, she grips the handles. "On my count. One...two...three," she cranks it open, breaking the seal as she pulls with all her strength.
willbetested: (there’s a few things we have to burn)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-09-17 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Someone is screaming.

It echoes off the walls, burns in her ears, and it's moment too long before Clarke realizes that she's the one screaming. A completely useless act in a moment that requires action.

The small part of her still capable of reason thinks of Raven, screaming for Finn.

Rushing forward, she doesn't even think of Monty and the others, so sure that Emerson's stillness means he's no longer a threat. The real problem is in front of her. Sliding down onto her knees in a fluid motion, she grabs Bellamy's shoulders hastily looking for the wound, for something she can fix.

"Bellamy, Bellamy, no, please, I..." she says mostly for herself than for anyone else. "We can do this, we'll triage the injury and then we'll get the others." Running her hand gently along his abdomen, she feels for the tell-tale wetness, trying to not think of the entirely different way that she touched him earlier.

Her forehead touches against his, as she looks into his pained face. "Everything is going to be okay."

Monty's risen to his feet, standing closer to them than not and it isn't until he clears his throat that she remembers him. "What can I do?" he asks.

Clarke doesn't even look at him. "Just tell me what's going on with the others. We're gonna figure this out."
willbetested: (there’s a few things we have to burn)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-11-08 03:56 am (UTC)(link)
Words keep dying on her lips. There's so much that she wants to say, that she needs to say, but they're stuck. It's too hard to get air into her lungs, let along exhale long enough to say what she needs to say.

Bellamy can't die. Not like this. Not when she needs him still.

Then the world is blurring, going dark and then righting itself again just in time for her to hear Monty say the words that she has memorized by now. Clarke's hands are shaking, tension spilling into her movements.

"You're alive," she says, whisper soft and half-choked as she stares at Bellamy, whole once more. "We're not doing that again."
willbetested: (Default)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-12-11 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)

Her breathing is coming in staggered rasps. It's like a boulder is resting on her chest, heart racing, vision blurred. A panic reaction, her brain supplies unhelpfully. There's nothing to do but push through it, eyes fixed on Bellamy's face. Clarke is still staring even as he breaks eye contact, talking to Monty. It brings her back to the moment, reminds her that it is more than just the three of them. That their family is out there in the mountain, all in various states of distress.

They have to do something.

Monty looks at them both confused and wary as he nods. "I can. Give me a second."

Clarke thinks for a moment. "Also try releasing the door locks. If they're distracted, it might give time for some of our people to get out."

willbetested: (Default)

[personal profile] willbetested 2015-12-30 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Something solid and made of steel is forming in the pit of her stomach. It's stomping out the queasy twist of her stomach, the sense of overwhelming doom. This has to work. There isn't much time left.

There isn't much left in Clarke that could stomach who she could lose next.

Monty nods and in seconds, the lights go dark on all the screens in front of them. A ragged exhale of relief escapes her, just a moment too soon as the lights in the surgery flicker back on moments later.

"Shit," she curses softly. "They must have back up generators."
willbetested: (we can make this leap)

[personal profile] willbetested 2016-01-04 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
Clarke doesn't cry out.

Her mouth opens, the air getting caught in her lungs as she watches the scene with Abby unfold. She might have a lot of issues with her mother, but Abby is the one parent that she has left. This isn't how she deserves to go. How any of them deserve to go, tied up like lab rats and used to exploit some crazy asshole's big plan.

That damn generator. That generator is letting them cut into her mother, to kill her, messy and bloody and full of pain, just as Jasper goes for Cage. There's a desperate guard outside their door, pushing to get in.

In one of the other darkened screens, she can see the outline of movement. Her mind picks out that it was the one where Maya and Octavia had been shown. "Monty, can we get just those lights in the hall turned on?"
willbetested: (Default)

[personal profile] willbetested 2016-01-15 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
Nothing is going the way Clarke wants it to. The lights, or lack there of, do little to deter Cage and his surgeons. She doesn't need audio to be piped in from the surveillance feeds to know the sound of a medical drill. Her blood runs cold on memory alone.

Something has to give. One of the choices they make must work.

"Please," she mumbles, eyes fixed on the screen, begging to a god that doesn't exist or certainly can't hear her. Cage is looking directly at the screen as the surgeons go for Abby, Jasper fruitlessly trying to escape only to be fired it.

She winces.
willbetested: (Default)

[personal profile] willbetested 2016-01-26 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
"What's even left?" Clarke wonders aloud, knowing all too well what option is left. They've tried everything else short of teleporting or sliding through the vents, neither of which are particularly reasonable at the moment if ever.

This is not a scenario in which everyone lives.

Her stomach aches at that realization. She's never felt quite so doomed, not even as she was preparing to slide the knife between Finn's ribs. That, at least, was an act of kindness in its way.

Eyes moving from camera to camera, she waits, processing on borrowed time. Emerson's absence is an illusion. He'll be back. He'll be successful.

Then it lands on the screen that must be killing Bellamy. "Octavia, what is she doing?"
willbetested: (in the deepest depths)

[personal profile] willbetested 2016-02-15 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
Her nerves are already too frayed to really be upset at Octavia's actions. After the neverending loop of dying or watching others die, watching Bellamy's sister fight like that makes weird amounts of sense. Octavia isn't the girl who grew up under a floor anymore.

"We should," Clarke stops herself, shaking her head as she goes back to watching the screens. "Good for her."

A throb aches at her temple, pulsing from adrenaline and anger and fear. "Do we have any options left?"
willbetested: (snapped a photograph it couldn't be you)

[personal profile] willbetested 2016-03-17 01:59 pm (UTC)(link)
"Bellamy!" Clarke tears her attention away from the screen, from Octavia's fight, from her mother being ground into. There's too much going on, a pounding in her head that threatens to engulf her.

"Bellamy, stop," she urges. Octavia can hold her own, but she's outnumbered. As much as she wishes there was any other way, the best choice is the one attached to the lever. "Don't leave. We can stop this. I can stop this."

She nods to Monty. "We're ready, aren't we?" Monty nods his ascent. "Yeah. Just need to open the vents."

Taking a deep breath, she grabs ahold of the lever. "Bellamy. I can save her from here."